Men Tips

posted by infomktjv on Sep 9

You can spend your time studying the art behind reading body language and using your own to communicate and you can study the finer arts of figuring out how to approach a woman. But if you never really learn to converse, you aren’t likely to get any closer than enjoying a good view from a distance.

No matter how attractive you might be or how suave or how confident, if you can’t speak to a woman then you aren’t going to get a woman. It is pretty simple. I can’t tell you often a woman gives a guy a chance to pick her up only to come back with, “Well, he’s cute enough but he hasn’t learned how to speak.”

Learning to hold and carry a conversation is only half the battle. The most difficult part of learning to converse is starting a conversation. If you can’t walk up to a woman and speak to her, you will never get to talk about all the great topics you have spent your lonely nights coming up with. So let’s get into starting a conversation first.

When you want to start a conversation with a woman that you have never met before, you have to approach her with confidence and warmth. Smile a lot, like you mean it, and don’t be afraid of the things she might say. If you spend you time worrying about the ways she might turn you down or hurt you, then you aren’t going to gather up the nerve to really talk to her in the first place. You want to be genuine but you can only be genuine when you aren’t sweating bullets and praying that your deodorant holds out.

Starting your conversation should be simple. Say hi and work in a sweet and genuine compliment that really shows that you are paying attention to the world around you. Whether you go for a physical attribute or you go into something a little deeper, don’t lay it on too thick and don’t stand there with a bunch of nervous rambling.

Remember that all you’re doing is making someone’s day or night a little bit better by pointing out to them that they are somehow attractive to you. It’s a gift. It’s a really nice gift. And there isn’t anything to be worked about since for the first ten to fifteen seconds, that is your only purpose for opening your mouth.

Celebrate something. It doesn’t have to be an occasion that everyone celebrates, but find a reason to be celebrating. If it’s your tenth anniversary out of the nuthouse, you might want to find something more positive. But celebrating something mundane is often a great way to engage a women into conversation with you as well as a great opener to show her that you think she is awesome.

Celebrate a night of beautiful women or celebrate the one year anniversary of bringing your dog home or celebrate a decision you made that will move you ahead in life. But celebrating is contagious and it eases the topic of conversation right into an easy place for you. After all, you are the one that picked what you’re celebrating so you are the one who also picked the topic of conversation by default. Avoid sad or negative topics, like the death of your pet. While you might gain a few sympathy points, sympathy points don’t count much toward anything real.

When you get a conversation started, it’s important not to let long periods of silence hang in the air. It’s really uncomfortable for everyone. So during your time at home, sort of write down a long list of possible topic transitioning statements. They don’t have to be cute or funny or sexy or sweet, just a few words that buy you a little time while you and she are trying to come up with the next conversation piece. Writing them down does not indicate that you are going to bring them with you, it is just an exercise to get them into your head and to review from time to time.

Some of the best ones are those which cause her to focus on something other than you without complaining or putting someone down. Glancing over at someone who is dressed to totally stand out and comment without judgment, “Well, that’s unique,” or “interesting.” Diverting her attention for a few seconds gives you a chance to come up with a topic and also gives her the chance to respond with her own thoughts.

During your conversation you have to do as much listening as you do responding. Preferably more listening than responding, but I am counting you thinking time as part of your response. Do not spend the whole time thinking about what to say next. If you’re concentrating too hard on that then you won’t be listening to the information she is giving you. If you really take the time to listen, you will know how to respond.

The more relaxed you are when having a conversation the better the conversation will flow. The more you work yourself up about having a good conversation the more likely it will be that the conversation will not go so well. So step back from yourself, listen closely, and remember that if she is interested in you at all, she will be a little nervous too and will be forgiving of small mistakes as long as you are being genuine. Take the time to smile, relax, and have a good time and so will she.

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