posted by ChrisChew on Jan 21
Breaking up a relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend is a very devastating experience whether you are the one who initiated it or the one being dumped. It is especially heart wrenching when both of you were once in love or are still in love.
The one being jilted will usually be crushed emotionally while the one who intitates the breakup will most probably be feeling very guilty about it as well unless that person is totally heartless and cruel. Whatever it is, here are some advice on how to cope, deal with and survive a relationship breakup.
First thing to do is to accept the fact that the relationship over. Like it or not, life goes on. I know it is easier said than done, but then again, most adults have been through relationship breakups before and they have gotten over it, so why can’t you?
You need to be brave and put it behind you once and for all. The most important thing is to accept it. Do not cling onto the hope that a miracle will happen and bring him or her back to you as if nothing has happened.
If you cling to these false expectations, things will be even more unbearable. When you accept the fact that the other person will not be there for you any more, life will get easier day by day as you will be allowing time to do the healing.
You are only a human being with delicate feelings. So allow yourself to grieve a little once you have accepted the loss. Cry out loud if you want to, talk with friends and relatives to let go of your suppressed feelings. You will feel better this way.
However, don’t keep looking for sympathy until your friends and relatives begin to see you as a nuisance and begin to avoid you. If that is happening, it means that you have not accepted the loss of the relationship.
Many broken hearted people turned to listening breakup songs, sad songs or breakup poems during this stage. You may indulge in some of these things for self consolation, but do not let this phase cling on too long because listening to breakup songs and reading break up poems will only bring your memory back to the relationship and will be harder for you to get over it.
Do have self respect. Never blame yourself for a break up, even if you have done something wrong that may have triggered the end of the relationship. There is no point in self-incrimination as it will not undo the breakup but instead will make you feel more guilty and depressed. Be kind to yourself and your feelings.
Why punish yourself or entertaining suicidal thoughts for something that cannot be undone? There is life after a breakup and chances are that the right and even better person is there out looking for you just at this very moment. So respect yourself so as to give yourself another chance to be happy.
When that is done, take a well deserved break. Take advantage and enjoy your sudden freedom. You need to replace the negative feelings in your heart with positive feelings. The best way to create positive happy feelings is to indulge in yourself.
Do something such as watching a funny movies which can make you laugh even though you may not be in the mood for it. Or else, sign up with your local health club for an exercise program or simply go for a well deserved vacation and let your hair down! Lavish in your new found freedom!
Then allow time for healing process. A common tragedy among many people is to throw themselves into new relationships almost immediately after breaking up thinking that a new relationship could help them to get over the previous one. This could be a bad mistake as raw emotions may almost always give you the wrong reasons to start new relationships resulting in further breakups.
Look for new relationships only when you can look back on the broken one without any heartache. Do not use it as a leverage against the person who broke up with you.
Forget about getting back at him or her. If you are the one being dumped, forget about taking revege and be spiteful! Your situation is sad but it happens all the time everywhere. Breakups are usually emotionally shattering because they are interpreted as rejection. However, you must understand that it is not rejection of you per se. It just simply means to say that “things will not workout together.”
There is nothing personal about that. Everybody is entitled to their opinion. When you hate or plot for revenge, you can never let go of the past and you never really moved along. Do you really want that to happen?
All being said, how do you want to get on with your life is how you want and decide to let go and start things afresh. Only you can make the choice and make your pain easier and eventually, be healed. Time is the best healer, so do understand that it takes time for you to stop feeling the hurt in your heart. But you will be healed, when you finally allow yourself to be healed by time and get over your breakup, the day will come.
I trust that you will find the above coping with breakup information useful and wishing you speedy recovery in your heart and soul.
Chris Chew is a fitness, health and relationship consultant. Read his free articles at Stop Divorce Save Marriage and How To Have Sex Appeal
