posted by infomktjv on Nov 17
What is confidence? It is something we can present to the world without really feeling it or is it something that we have to dig deep to find? Is it something that comes and goes or is it a static condition? Confidence is one of those elements that carries the potential to really mess with a guy’s head. There might be times when he is feeling totally confident and has the ability to really let his personality shine through and then there are other times when he feels totally intimidated and he isn’t comfortable speaking.
Confidence that isn’t night and day sticks around because you are comfortable in your own skin. Anyone who is really comfortable with who they are and what they are all about remains confident in almost any situation. The beauty of confidence is that there is a magic trick to finding it and that magic trick can be done in our own homes late at night without anyone else’s intrusion. There is no magic confidence boosting pill and there is no herbal supplement that will bring out your full scale confidence. Instead, there is a simple exercise that can help anyone find a little more comfort in who they are and what they are all about.
When you are experiencing confidence, even if it is fleeting, then you know how empowering it can be. When your confidence level rises your basic performance ability, regardless of what it is, enhances and you live better. When you aren’t experiencing confidence you are chronically second guessing yourself and eventually you can talk yourself out of every good idea you have ever had.
Part of developing confidence is knowing that even if things don’t turn out the way we want them to, we are still just fine. Confident people understand that if they mess up, their entire world is not going to fall apart but that they are simply going to have to either try again or try a totally different approach to getting what they want. When you know that you aren’t going to worry about what other people might think and what other people are judging about you, then you become free from the constraint of worrying about making mistakes or striking out.
When you are no longer plagued by worrying about it, then you go ahead and move forward with complete confidence. Obtaining such a level of self acceptance and belief can happen for anyone. All too often too many men believe that they can’t change or that the goals of really developing the skills that lead to a better understanding of themselves and a happier life are just too far out of reach.
Anyone can grab the brass ring if they want to. Anyone who wants to lean out just a little further and a little further has the potential to develop self induced success. Just like everything else in life, it is just one simple step at a time.
Ultimately confidence comes from within, but that doesn’t mean that most of us still don’t need a little external evidence that can help pull their confidence level up. Just like when we all learned to walk, we started with a few hesitant steps and because we received positive reinforcement and removed negative reinforcement at the same time, we took a few more steps and a few more until we were running around like everyone else.
In this case you want to remove the negative reinforcement while seeking out the positive reinforcement. That means you want to approach women and start speaking, hopefully with enough conviction, enthusiasm, and interesting topics to receive the positive reinforcement we are looking for. She either holds our conversation well or we end up with her phone number, or whatever other positive reinforcement we find during our conversation. This is the easier part.
The harder part is removing the negative reinforcement through the same exercise. Let’s say you approach a woman and she isn’t interested. Let’s even go so far as to say that she is single and looking but you said something way out of line or you offended her somehow. In order to remove the negative reinforcement we have to be able to walk away from that situation without being laden with negative emotions. It was just an opportunity to learn something.
When we are able to do this, we are able to move forward without a lot of hesitation or negative response conditioning because we know that even the worst case scenario can’t really shake us. In reality, what is the worst case scenario when trying to talk to a woman? She might actually laugh at us. Okay. What does that mean to me? Really it doesn’t mean anything. It means that she wasn’t worth my time or my energy in the first place so I can approach a woman and ultimately be laughed at walk away and know that I am still who I am.
Of course, it is not easy to develop confidence that draws from a core knowing of your own personal sense of self. We often derive these feelings from external sources. The happiest guys can get it from within, but that is a long practiced skill, one generally taught by parents at a young age. From the time we were little we were taught to look toward external source for confirmation of being a good and decent person. So we have also been taught that looking to a woman’s reaction is a direct reflection upon us somehow. We don’t have to decide that this is true. We can maintain our confidence in the face of being turned down and even mocked and laughed at.
Confidence is not a prepackaged formula that you can swallow and take down. It is developed over time with a conscious effort to keep your core personality at the heart of who you are. Some guys keep their standards very low while they work up the confidence to raise them while others simply shoot for the best and try to remain intact regardless of the outcome.
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